2024: The year of caring for me—first
It's not selfish, I promise. See how daily questions about supporting what's good for you can allow you to reconnect with yourself and, in turn, help you be my best for friends, work, and community.
Hi all! Today, I'm restarting my Substack! It will continue to explore themes of overconsumption, with an added focus on self-compassion while building a startup, fun monthly recommendations, and some secondhand fashion guides, too. I hope you enjoy it! And now... it's a time for a “new” (connecting to the old inner child) me in 2024 (womp... wish that rhymed like 2023)! So, first post, here we go!
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I usually feel like a failure by March.
I list my resolutions for the year in an Asana project planning board, with week-by-week tasks and metrics. My life structured as if I am orchestrating a global product launch to reveal what I think is the “perfect” me by the end of the year.
Let's take learning Spanish as an example. First, I list the end-of-year goal as 'Be fluent...' Week 1—complete lessons 1-4, attend an online group class, and more. Week 2—the same level of requirements, as if I don't have a startup, cats, friends, and family to attend to.
This wasn’t fun at all. And when I didn’t complete one of the first assignments according to my strict timeline, I gave up fast. A lose-lose.
Maybe you’ve felt the same when you’ve set near-impossible goals for getting more followers or a six pack... once one day at the gym is missed, we're done. We don’t feel better, stronger, healthier, or happier...we feel worse about ourselves than before.
This year, I’m doing things differently.
I’m focusing on things that make me feel good and help me take care of myself. I’m giving myself space to rest, make mistakes, and have more room for fun. I’m focusing on repeating positive actions consistently, not perfectly.
I don't have a 52-week-filled task list run by my self-critic. Instead, I’m asking myself simple “daily questions” that start with “Did I do my best to…”, inspired by learnings from the book, “Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts –Becoming the Person You Want to Be”.
When you aren’t asked how well you performed but how much you tried, the authors Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter write, there is more personal ownership and responsibility. I also believe these questions leave more room for compassion, trying, and being appreciative of ourselves for our attempts. A win-win.
I’m also answering my daily questions on a 1-10 scale, as the authors recommend. An 8 is great! Perfection isn’t needed. It's not a pass or a fail.
I will note these do not include work goals and milestones that I outline each quarter with my team. These goals are centered around doing what's best for me, which in turn allows me to be the best for my friends, family, the Lucky Sweater App team, and the app’s community.
Here are my daily questions and a template to help you get started:
Did I do my best to...
limit my sugar intake?
meditate?
not be behind a screen 2 hours before bed? (TikTok, TV, etc.)?
get to sleep by 10:45?
have no caffeine after 12pm?
journal?
be grateful for what I have?
avoid angry or destructive comments?
not play the victim role?
be present, aware, and engaged? (in work meetings, with friends, etc.)
limit touching my face/acne?
take my pills?
exercise/move my body?
connect with friends and family?
make time to speak Spanish?
+ overall mood
Notes on my mood - what I noticed, not judgment
Remember to be kind to yourself when deciding which questions you want to ask yourself daily. Are these items important in your life? Will these questions help you connect with and be the person you already are? (I moved away from this “new” me I tried to project plan in years past. I believe it’s all about connecting back to who we are meant to be—before society told us who we should be.)
(Also, thank you to my coach, Nan Watts, for introducing me to this quote!)
In my daily reflections, I also added a row for my overall mood and notes on emotions that surfaced. Another focus area this year is being present and attentive to my emotions. This isn't about judging them but sitting with them, letting them pass, and being mindful. By doing this, I hope to identify patterns, like how my mood tends to dip when my sleep score is below 6, or noticing the word 'stress' appear more often in my notes on days when I'm less present in meetings. This could also help me iterate on my questions—maybe remove some I no longer need or add some that will better serve me.
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What I’m experiencing so far:
I already see that when I “slip” up or go off the path a bit, I don’t just give up and call it a failure. If I drink coffee at 12:10 pm, I don’t say “F it, caffeine all day!!”. I say that’s okay. We’ll stop drinking now and give ourselves an 8 for the day, and guess what… 8 is great!
And for Spanish. I’m more excited to learn and have fun speaking with my partner Chris, even if I make mistakes.
What are you planning to ask yourself daily? What behaviors do you want to try to keep, stop, or add to connect back to yourself? I’d love to know in the comments.
Thanks so much for reading!